Merc399 (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

AGREED 100% OMG YOU ARE A GENIUS

xombeh1lissie (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

what a breakthrough for our government, indeed. now those other 15 million americans can sleep in peace knowing that their health is perfect. x]

Darkaero199 (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

Can't say I'm surprised.

mitchellvallieres (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

You know when you see those fat people in Walmarts who use the scooter chair thing cause their fat asses cant move around. Those people should be killed off. Then the lard asses stop off at McDonalds for a McFlurry. What dumb shits they should be killed quick

BayAreaBiker2001 (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

That's the government's way of trying to make us look good, akin to the garment industry's use of vanity sizing. I myself like junk food about as much as I like going on bike rides. Burger King in Downtown Oakland, McDonald's in Half Moon Bay, Taco Bell in Hollister, and Carl's Junior in Downtown San Francisco represent fuel stops during my long bike rides.

montygamer (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

Omg thats fucking hilarious

Wapitdownthehatchguy (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

I don't even keep track of my weight anymore. Too many bad memories. Like when my right heel went through my scale at my old apartment and the cheap wooden floor was about to give out. I thought for a second I was gonna end up dropping through the floor and coming out the ceiling below like that Mileena or whatever off MKII. That would've sucked for whoever was in the room below me seeing my fat ass coming down heel first on their noggin! And I'm sure my security deposit would be history!

XxtylerisradxX (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

haha this is fake man... its all a joke

birgirdav (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

satire? sorry mate i don't know what that means..

jonesmikey (November 30, 1999 at 12:00 am)

the onion is the greatest newsource. I get all my news there and I believe I'm the most well informed man on earth.